Hmmm

I am in the thick of deciding between IVF or adoption....AGAIN!! I can't sleep because I just want clarity on the situation. I know only God has the ultimate answer but I do not know what that is. I get different feedback from friends about waiting, not the right timing etc...but it's been a little over 8 years now and I grow more and more gloomy by the day. It's hard to watch days, months and years go by like this. Sometimes I start secluding myself, sometimes I lash out at others..it's such a mess. I wish I had someone to talk to that could truly understand my pain and not feed me rainbows and sunshine. WAH

Nov 4th

It has been too long my friends. Things in life are going well. My husband and I are thinking about taking the plunge into a homestudy to begin the adoption process. It is so sad to me that  you can look through hundreds of photos of children in waiting. Oh if the world could be different and everyone could have a loving place to call home. I'm thinking about doing a adoption support group at my church for people that want to adopt to connect with people that have adopted. I wonder if it would get peoples interest. I would like it to be a couples thing because so many guys have doubts, questions and concerns but stay in the background trying to be the supportive husband. I'll keep praying and discussing with my husband to see where God leads us. Blessings to all!!

May 10th

Hello May, it seems as things in my life are going ok. I found a sleep specialist who put me on light therapy because I have delayed sleep phase disorder and chronic insomnia, which basically means I live everyday as if I have 7 hours of jet lag. I have to admit I was a little hesitant to believe after all the meds I've tried that light therapy was going to do anything at all, but here I sit after just a couple months sleeping much better. Almost like a regular human being! I can lay down at a decent hour and fall asleep within one hour and sleep until morning with the only disruptions being my tossing and turning. This is my last week on the therapy and then we see if my body can continue the success on its own. Send me prayers!
In the meantime I took a Full-time job as a Business Analyst that was totally a God thing. This is one main reason I need the prayers that I can keep my sleep schedule as is. I can't go back to the days of falling asleep at 5am and getting up shortly after not rested at all. 
Chris and I are still thinking and researching adoption, no update on that front. I thought I was doing ok emotionally with the whole infertility thing until my brother told me his girlfriend was pregnant. I didn't realize how easily those emotions could rear their ugly heads again. Now I see a pregnant person and feel anger and sadness. I don't dwell on the issue but the pain is there, like another crack in my broken heart.

Sleep Study Results

So I had my followup appointment to my sleep study and it went really well. No sleep apnea, heart issues, leg issues etc., etc. So my only problem is that it takes FOREVER to fall asleep; per the doctor we will go ahead with the original plan of doing light therapy to reset my 'clock'. Wish me luck folks!!
Here is some interesting information I found that I thought I'd share:

What Happens During Sleep?



Sleep is prompted by natural cycles of activity in the brain and consists of two basic states: rapid eye movement (REM) sleep and non-rapid eye movement (NREM) sleep, which consists of Stages 1 through 4.


During sleep, the body cycles between non-REM and REM sleep. Typically, people begin the sleep cycle with a period of non-REM sleep followed by a very short period of REM sleep. Dreams generally occur in the REM stage of sleep.


What Is Non-REM Sleep?


The period of NREM sleep is made up of stages 1-4. Each stage can last from 5 to 15 minutes. A completed cycle of sleep consists of a progression from stages 1-4 before REM sleep is attained, then the cycle starts over again.


• Stage 1: Polysomnography (sleep readings) shows a reduction in activity between wakefulness and stage 1 sleep. The eyes are closed during Stage 1 sleep. One can be awakened without difficulty, however, if aroused from this stage of sleep, a person may feel as if he or she has not slept. Stage 1 may last for five to 10 minutes. Many may notice the feeling of falling during this stage of sleep, which may cause a sudden muscle contraction (called hypnic myoclonia).


• Stage 2: This is a period of light sleep during which polysomnographic readings show intermittent peaks and valleys, or positive and negative waves. These waves indicate spontaneous periods of muscle tone mixed with periods of muscle relaxation. The heart rate slows and the body temperature decreases. At this point, the body prepares to enter deep sleep.


• Stages 3 and 4: These are deep sleep stages, with stage 4 being more intense than Stage 3. These stages are known as slow-wave, or delta, sleep. If aroused from sleep during these stages, a person may feel disoriented for a few minutes.


During the deep stages of NREM sleep, the body repairs and regenerates tissues, builds bone and muscle, and appears to strengthen the immune system. As you get older, you sleep more lightly and get less deep sleep. Aging is also associated with shorter time spans of sleep, although studies show the amount of sleep needed doesn't appear to diminish with age.






What Is REM Sleep?


Usually, REM sleep occurs 90 minutes after sleep onset. The first period of REM typically lasts 10 minutes, with each recurring REM stage lengthening, and the final one may last up to an hour. Polysomnograms show brainwave patterns in REM to be similar to that recorded during wakefulness. In people without sleep disorders, heart rate and respiration speed up and become erratic during REM sleep. During this stage the eyes move rapidly in different directions.


Intense dreaming occurs during REM sleep as a result of heightened brain activity, but paralysis occurs simultaneously in the major voluntary muscle groups. REM is a mixture of encephalic (brain) states of excitement and muscular immobility. For this reason, it is sometimes called paradoxical sleep.


The percentage of REM sleep is highest during infancy and early childhood. During adolescence and young adulthood, the percentage of REM sleep declines. Infants can spend up to 50% of their sleep in the REM stage of sleep, whereas adults spend only about 20% in REM.

Sleep Study

Finally had my sleep study Friday morning in Chantilly, VA. I had to be there around 3am and get all hooked up and get to sleep by 4am. It would have been nice to know they were going to put glue in my hair since I had to go to an all day meeting in Tysons when I got out the next morning. Why not go home first, because I was already halfway there and didn't want to come back this way and turn around and go that way in traffic. So I did what any reasonable girl would do, put my hair in a ponytail :-). I got 2 or 3 hours of sleep, which must have been enough since they let me go.
I'll get the results next week and see what the plan is. Prayers are welcome!!

Saying Goodbye is always hard

Wednesday was a sad day as we woke to the news that my husband's grandmother had passed away. He was close to her and even I considered her my grandmother. I have known her for a little more than 12 years now and she has been a better grandmother to me than the two the Lord gave me. She will truly be missed, yet we are happy to know she is with the Lord. We know time will ease the pain, heartache and sadness but will only increase the joy of the wonderful memories we were blessed to make with her.
We will always love and miss you Grandma Carrigan!!!

Hubbs

My husband snores REALLY loud!!!!!